Never Wake A Sleeping Baby

While I was driving along, listening to the incessant wailing coming from the back seat, the old adage entered my mind: never wake a sleeping baby.

At the time it seemed like the perfect plan, something that should go off without a hitch, something that I've done before without suffering any unpleasant consequences. Yeah, like I said, it seemed like the perfect plan...

Around 10am this morning, Carla sent me a text saying that she was in dire need of some coffee and was wondering if Nolan and I would come bring her some. And since I have this romanticized idea of being a knight in shining armor longing to rescue a damsel in distress, I most certainly obliged. (Go with me here. I'm a stay at home dad, and while I love it, every now and then I need a little something to spice up the day). At the time, Nolan was still taking his morning nap, but he'd already been sleeping for the first hour and forty five minutes out of his usual two hours, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. Besides, I've successfully transferred him from his crib to his car seat while in his sleeping state multiple times without so much as murmur coming out him. Why would this time be any different? And even if he did wake up, he'd almost slept the full duration of his nap, and there was plenty of time to get to Starbucks, get to Carla's office, and get home before he needed to be fed again. No big deal.

Let's just say, stay-at-home-dad-fail.

He didn't stay asleep. And almost immediately as I laid him down in his car seat, he started straining with all his little might to sit up. He didn't want to be in there. But I put his pacifier in his mouth, which seemed to placate him at the time, and I figured once we got in the car, the soothing rumble of the engine and the winding of the car around the back, country roads would put him back to sleep.

It didn't. Don't get me wrong, he was fine at first.

At first...

He cooed. But eventually the cooing turned into whimpering, the whimpering turned in crying, and the crying turned into wailing.

And normally when he reaches the whimpering state, I reach back to the back, all the while keeping my eyes on the road of course (don't judge me...you know you've done it too), root around for his pacifier, find his mouth, and stick it back in. And if I'm able to do that in the whimpering, or even the crying state, he usually calms down. But, if it ever gets to the wailing state, well, there's usually no turning back. What's that saying? Something about hell and breaking loose?

So why didn't I just get the pacifier back in during the whimpering state? Good question. And all good questions deserve good answers.

Good answer: Lately I've been having issues with my shoulder. I think I have an inflamed rotator cuff or something like that. Anyway some days it's not so bad, and some days it is. Today it was bad, rendering it virtually impossible to reach to the back, find his pacifier, and stick it in his mouth. So I just let him cry with the intention of soothing him when I got to Starbucks. And soothe him I did, for a while. But while I was waiting for the grande skinny vanilla latte (my wife's drink of choice), Nolan decided he wasn't happy in his car seat any longer, and so...he...started...to...wail! It was the first freak-out like that I'd ever experienced in a public place.

So I started fumbling. I was racing to get him unstrapped, but he was so unhappy, flailing around (maybe it wasn't that bad, but it seemed like it), that getting him unstrapped was a mere feat in itself. On top of that, I forgot to put the arm carrier in the back position, so when I finally did get him unstrapped, I couldn't get him out of the car seat because he kept stiffening up, which makes it impossible to get him out of the seat, because he keeps hitting his head on the arm carrier. I felt like I was naked in the middle of Starbucks, and everyone was staring at. It's as if the thoughts of everyone there were bombarding me in the midst of my trial..."Will someone please rescue that baby from that incompetent man." "Dad's, they never know what to do."

I finally got him out, and he calmed down. We made it to Carla's office, dropped off the coffee and headed home.

And the ride home produced the same results as the ride there. Murmur, whimper, crying, wailing, and a gimpy arm incapable of doing anything to ease the child's suffering.

So I sucked it up, and like any well intentioned parents seeking to document every aspect of their child's life, I decided to take a picture. Seemed like it would be simple enough. I'm not through...

So as to not prolong Nolan's discomfort by trying to get that perfect shot (I'm not that mean), I figured I'd brake one of the rules I've been trying to follow: no unnecessary cell phone use while driving. I figured that right before I got home, I could turn on my phone, punch in the security code, pull up the camera app and have it all ready to go so that I could park, quickly get out of the car, open the back door, take a quick shot, put the phone in my pocket, get in the house, make a bottle, and get Nolan happy again.

And that's what I did...all the while nearly getting into an accident! That's right. As I came close to our road, I started getting my phone ready. My plan was working, or so I thought. We live in a neighborhood with very little traffic activity, so I didn't think anything of it when I took a wide right-hand turn onto our road. Fortunately, I looked up just in time to see a car pulling up to the stop sign. I turned the wheel hard right and just narrowly avoided hitting it. We're talking centimeters of space between my front end and theirs. I can see it now, Nolan freaking out while waiting for the cops to show up and process the accident. The other driver questioning my competency. Trying to answer questions for the cop over a screaming baby...all because I wanted to get a picture. Thank God that didn't happen!

Hello wake up call!

Thankfully I got parked, got Nolan fed, made him happy again, and got him down for his afternoon nap where he is now sleeping soundly.

And so I leave with a shot of an unhappy baby who's daddy has learned his lesson: Take extreme caution when waking a sleeping baby, and never use your cell phone while driving if you don't have to.


He actually doesn't look too bad here, but trust me, it was bad!